Monsters and Resolutions
'Jesus Christ!'
This was the response of the nice lady from the disconnections team at Virgin Media when I recounted my tale of woe to her. As promised, I took the bull by the horns and phoned up to cancel my account with them, armed with the fresh knowledge that the £30 recommend-a-friend discount hadn't gone to my chosen friend either. The woman on the other end, who I imagine cannot have the nicest of jobs working in the disconnection team, was obviously authorised to do more than anyone else I had spoken to previously, and after she had spent a good five minutes apologising for the incompetence of her colleagues, she has now arranged a delivery tomorrow of a shiny V+ box, and my wireless router. Of course I won't entirely believe it until I am recording programmes at my leisure, but there you go. A little bit of persistence and eventually getting through to someone with the sense to do what was promised initially, and I have exactly what I wanted. So that's nice. Thanks again for everyone who sent advice on here and on Facebook, you lovely good good people. And apparently the £30 discount will come through after we've been paying on time for 3 months, so don't worry Jen.
So hopefully this tale will only need to be a trilogy of posts, I'll be very disappointed if I have to return to write a fourth installment. But onto other things. In the last few days I've really started to grasp how cool my phone is, as it seems to be able to play YouTube videos at a rather nice quality, even given a general paucity of connection. Honestly, aside from a few stutters, it's able to play videos when my connection is snot strong enough to even send a tweet. Yesterday I finally got around to watching something that a good many friends have told me about, Zomblogalypse. This is a web series made by some friends of a friend, and as such I wasn't expecting that much from it, in the same way you never really expect a huge amount when someone tells you about their mate's band. But actually this is lo-fi horror heaven, brilliantly scripted and acted, and funny as anything put together by more famous zomcom creators. On the bus home yesterday and the bus to work this morning I managed to cane the whole first series, and can't wait to travel to work tomorrow to get cracking on series 2. I'm also immensely jealous that I didn't come up with it first. Click on the image below to go check it out.
Also, I am currently listening to the full Glastonbury set by Radiohead from a few years back, which is every bit as splendid as I remember from watching it on TV, and it's all thanks to my little Android. Cheers little buddy.
Waning: May contain Khan
Disclaimer: Before we get started, may I just warn you that this post will not be of any interest to you unless the newest film in the Star Trek franchise made you weep like a small child.
Aint It Cool News is reporting that Star Trek reboot master JJ Abrams is considering whether or not to include the baddie from the original Star Trek II movie in his second film in the franchise. Well, I say he is considering it, but the quote they give from Abrams is as much of a denial as it is anything else. As Aaron Sorkin may put it, a non-denial denial.
"While I don't want to approach the second film as a remake of episodes we've seen in the past, and I don't think any of the other writers or producers are interested in just rehashing or throwing characters in for the sake of it...Khan is certainly the most obvious one in the history of the series for me...I do think that there are...nothing is off limits in terms of what we're discussing."
So in other words, yes we know the fanboys would really like this, but we don't want to do it really, but who knows, maybe we'll be so stuck for ideas that we'll just do a tired old rehash and use up all the goodwill we earned on the first film.
May I officially stick my oar in and say for the love of Chekov please do not put Khan in the next movie. Wrath of Khan is easily the benchmark that all Star Trek movies must aspire to, but it was very much a product of that crew (can you have a Khan movie without there being the correlating story from the original series?) and also, the plot revolves around Kirk's son. How is that gonna work, and still have the relevancy emotionally?
So instead of tackling Khan again, here are my top 5 recommendations for what characters from the Star Trek universe could show up as villains in the second movie:
1. The Borg. Yes, they're not due to show up for another 100 years or so, but what's the point of blowing up the timeline if you can't have a bit of fun with it? The Borg were the easily the baddest of all Trek baddasses. And besides, would be interesting to see how Kirk would line up against them.
2. Morn. You know, the one who sits at the bar through pretty much every episode of Deep Space Nine without speaking, without anyone knowing what his back-story was, save for that he died with a fortune, but then it turns out he didn't die. It would be great to find out that he was previously an arch villain who comes up against the original cast. Bonus points for keeping him as a mute.
3. Wesley Crusher. In which the crew of the enterprise zoom through time to the future Enterprise and then beat seven shades of shit out of Wesley for his dazzling array of shit cardigans and jumpers.
4. They could remake Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, aka the one with the whales. Except this time rather than save the whales they find out that whales are responsible for global warming, which is actually caused by whale song, and spend months trawling the ocean brutally slaying every last one of them.
5. They could have an ORIGINAL FUCKING IDEA! Just a thought.
Anyway, I loved where they went with this year's reboot, which is probably going to be my film of the year come December, so I have every faith in Abrams being able to provide an excellent sequel. But please, no Khan.
Bloomin’ UNICEF and other absurdities
So it seems that UNICEF have named a goodwill ambassador in Orlando Bloom, yes he of the vacant stare and 'unique' approach to acting (as in making sure as to never display emotion on that face of his, lest he develop wrinkle lines.) Interesting choice. Perhaps they plan on using his perfect forehead as a background for their projector when they come to make PowerPoint presentations. Or perhaps he will put the funny ears back on and go around shooting hunger with his bow and arrow.
Also John Barnes, purveyor of wonderful football and terrible rapping, has been confirmed to be involved in the next world cup, not by coming out of retirement to use those wonderful feet, but by re-doing his infamous rap for the official song. Excellent. So in 1990 we had Barnes in the prime of life, utterly unable to convincingly rap. Now we have to hear him make even more of a balls up of it now that he's old enough to be the father of any of the chart's successful rappers.
On top of this, twitter has caught fire today with the news that some legal firm put an injunction against The Guardian to stop them from reporting on a Parliamentary question. It turns out it all had something to do with a company called Trafigura polluting the hell out of the coast of Africa.
This sort of censorship of our own Government is obviously 'a very bad thing' but turns out its a bad thing mainly for Trafigura and its Lawyers, who now have hundreds of citizen journalists on their tail, plus the Lib Dems raising questions over the whole affair in Parliament today. Suddenly a story that would have been reported only in the Guardian and probably easily forgotten is now being chased by every single paper and reported worldwide through twitter. Funny how things work, eh?
Oh, and the MP's expenses scandal has raised its head again, with the Government's report leading to even more money being paid back, including our erstwhile PM paying back £12,415. And Manchester Airport have introduced security measures that verge on the pornographic. And Michael Jackson's estate never thought to see if the rights to his 'new' single actually belong to someone else, like, say Paul Anka. Who wrote it with Jackson for his own album. Looks like Paul Anka is about to become even richer.
There are days when the absolute absurdity of the world we live in really becomes apparant. Today is one of those days. It's lovely.
2008
And so, with barely a day to go, I suppose I had better try and get down my round up of the year, something that has been buzzing in and around my head for the last few weeks. In the time since I started thinking about it, my feed reader (and probably yours too) have become bogged down by such things, but nonetheless I strive to empty my head of the buzzing sound of formulating top tens, fives and ones.
Top Ten Albums of the Year
1. Meshuggah - Obzen
A spitting, spiralling mas of polyrhythms that will melt your head and confound the ear. Truly mesmerising. Imagine all the worlds classical music being played at once by a robot with a distortion pedal and it would sound nothing like this. I just like the image. Brutal, technical metal that manages to be accessible and, well, rather splendid.
Meshuggah - Bleed (video)
2. Sigur Rós -Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust
By far and away the best non-metal album of the year for me. Alright, so it's not as good as Takk, or (), but it fills me with a sense of unbridled joy whenever I listen to it, and it pulls me back again and again. Uplifting and yet mournful at times, I love this album.
Sigur Ros - Gobbledigook (Live With Bjork at Naturra)
3. Origin - Antithesis
If you watched the Meshuggah video above and thought to yourself, 'bloody hell, that's a bit too heavy,' then you probably don't want to follow this link. By far and away the most technically astounding album made this year, it is a relentless, bludgeoning cacophony of noise. And it's brilliant.
Origin - Finite (video)
4. Portishead - Third
One of my favourite ever bands coming back, something that happened a lot this year (AC/DC, Metallica and Guns n' Roses) but this was the one album which really didn't disappoint. Dark, mournful, harrowing, a truly stunning album, with easily my favourite song of the year, Machine Gun.
Portishead - Machine Gun (video)
5. Mogwai - The Hawk Is Howling
A startling return to form by Scotland's premier instrumental weirdos. A crystalline sheen sits atop these tracks, which became a staple of my listening when I was doing my nano novel.
Mogwai - Batcat (video)
6. Kings Of Leon - Only By the Night
Many purists see this as a dip in form, but to be honest I've never really been sold on Kings until now. Slightly hampered by a dip at the end of the album, this nonetheless became a regular fixture in my household as Ellen loves it too. And the bassline on Crawl makes my spine tingle.
Kings Of Leon - Crawl (video)
7. Mouth Of The Architect - Quietly
In a year with no new releases by Neurosis, Pelican or Isis, a brilliant slab of Post Metal which remains ethereal and bruising throughout from a band I had never heard of before Last.fm. No videos for this, you'll just have to wait for my mix!
8. Dozer - Beyond Colossal
Great dirty slabs of Swedish stoner rock. If you like your rock dirty and fuzz-laden, seek this out. No vids for this either.
9. Cult Of Luna - Eternal Kingdom
One of my favourite bands, I would hesitate to say this equals their early work, despite a return to heaviness eschewed on Somewhere Along The Highway, but it remains a fascinating listen, layers upon layers of Post metal noise linked to a central concept based on a book they found in a mental institute.
Cult Of Luna - Eternal Kingdom (Live in Warsaw)
10. Elbow - The Seldom Seen Kid
I'm sure this merits a higher place in my list, but I did overplay this over the summer to the point where I can barely listen to it again, but this remains a rarity, a British indie album that doesn't make me want to throw things out of windows. Great songs, brilliant lyrics, and a wistful melancholy that erupts into a joyful chorus by the end.
Elbow - One Day Like This (live at Glastonbury)
Honourable Mentions for; Metallica, AC/DC, Cancer Bats, Ben Folds, The Sword, Adele.
Worst Album of the Year: Guns N Roses - Chinese Democracy
As for gigs, the truth is that I have only been to two gigs this year, shameful though it is to admit. However, that does at least allow me to do a best and worst gig of the year!
Best Gig: Conor Oberst - York Duchess
Worst Gig: The Streets - Leeds Academy
Top 5 Films
1. The Dark Knight
2. No Country For Old Men
3. There Will Be Blood
4. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
5. Juno
Greatest Thing to Happen This Year: The election of Barack Obama
Worst Thing to Happen This Year: Israel's bombing of Palestine seems to making a late grasp for the honours here.
Paul's quick capsule review of the year:
This year has been a good one for me, despite the world seeming to cave in around me. Obviously the most significant thing to have happened to me was the start of a new relationship with Ellen, the mother of our wonderful little girl Rosie. It was hardly the most traditional way to start a relationship, but I'm happy to report that nine months on, and everything is still tickety boo. We clicked so immediately that I almost forget sometimes what a new relationship it is. Not only that, but Ellen has brought something out of me, a drive that was never really there before, which makes me want to achieve things that will make the lives of my family move forward. I've never really had direction before, and 2009 will hopefully see it being implemented. But that's for another post.
As for all the standard geeky Paul stuff, it's not really been a great year for anything other than political reading. Music had been a bit ho-hum, with not many great new bands and most of my favourites not releasing anything this year. Telly has been a bit rubbish, with Heroes going a bit shit and nothing to really get excited about outside of the excellent Big Bang Theory, The IT Crowd, Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, and the frankly excellent Dead Set.
This year has also been the year that I rediscovered the Internet, in all of its shiny glory. Without Google Reader I think I would be adrift now, and Last.fm has introduced me to a ridiculous number of bands.
I also returned to Nanowrimo and managed to succeed yet again, although the book itself is far from finished. But still, quite an achievement.
The other main event of the year was of course the economic collapse, but to be honest I really can't bring myself to care very much, as it seems the richer you were, the worse of you are. Now I'm no raving pinko, but so? It seems to me we are on the brink of some kind of epoch making shift in the way we all live our lives, and that everything terrible that's happening, from the meltdown to global warming, to the increase in mental religious nutbars killing each other for no particular reason, is providing a rich stew in which we can move forward as a race to find some better ways of dealing with the world around us. Whether we will or not is another matter.
Blimey, I went a little bit Star Trek there.
So there you go, my review of the year. I shall be doing a year end mix and posting soon, but not today.
No Movie Magic
Paul's quick capsule review of two films he finally got to see over the weekend:
Hancock is alright.
Quantum Of Solace is rubbish.
Honestly, I was shocked at how little I enjoyed QOS. I thoroughly enjoyed the new direction Casino Royale took Bond to, and was looking forward to another step in the right direction, but this seemed to be a movie utterly devoid of direction, with poorly directed action set pieces, no tangible threat from the villain, and Daniel Craig taking a step away from Bourne-esque stoicism towards emotionless dullard. I know at least one reader who will vehemently disagree with me, but I stand my ground.
On the other hand, Hancock, which is actually far less plausable in its plot twists is Hancock, which nonetheless manages to remain fun and entertaining, with Will Smith proving once again that he can carry a film through sheer weight of personality.
I was going to see Wall-E too, but didn't get around to it, so I didn't.
Nano Count = 50,015
Well I did it, 50,000 words in 30 days, and now have the shiny evidence of my ability to write a ton of drivel in a short space of time. That may sound harsh, but it probably is drivel at the moment (I don't know either way, I haven't looked back on it at all) but hopefully once I give it s re-write, it may come out as something readable.
I'm sure you'll understand that this is the reason posts have been a little sparse of late, I only have the capacity for so many words at any one time, and they've all gone in the book. If anyone is remotely interested in reading it, let me know and I will mail you a copy.
Other than that the main news is that I'm going to be a student again. Starting February I will be doing an open university degree in computing, although I won't choose a specific path until I've done the basic modules. I utterly messed up my last attempt at a degree, and I'm sick of being poor, and of not knowing more about computers. So that's exciting.
With the nano month, I neglected to mention anything about the election, suffice to say when me and Jonic stayed up to watch the speech and the result, there were tears in my eyes. At the time I was pretty pissed off with some of the coverage of the man's race, until a few days later when I listened to Nina Simone's Strange Fruit, and it hit me how far America has come in less than a century.
Other than that, my expert opinion on some things for you, in bullet point fashion:
- This video is one of the greatest things I've ever seen
- The new AC/DC album is alright
- The new Guns N Roses album is terrifyingly awful
- The return of Charlie Brooker, first with Dead Set and then Screenwipe, is a very good thing
- This video is beyond comprehension, Rosie...please never be like this
- Last.fm is my new version of online crack
- The new trailers for Trek and Watchmen blow me away
- Shopping for kids toys is brilliant
- I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here is every bit as horrifying as I'd imagined, only I never knew it would be this watchable
- The new series of Spooks is very silly
- Little Dorrit is marvelous
Lastly, I heard some truly horrible news today. J+H, you are both in my thoughts, and if I were a praying man, you'd be in my prayers too.
That is all for now, but now that I have gotten back in the writing frame of mind you can expect more frequent posts.
I ran out of bullets.
I have just watched Die Hard 4.0 for the umpteenth time, and I really cannot see its appeal diminishing anytime soon. I mean, Bruce Willis vs. a Fighter Jet. I know who my money is on.
Having a very nice weekend, although Rosie has ensured that my favourite Star Wars Lego T-shirt has turned into more of a mosaic of general foodstuffs. I am sure that if you asked her she would say it is a comment on the rampant consumerism of a dying empire. Or something I think its more to do with her lack of respect for the mighty saga. I shall have to put that right at some point.
So, um, yeah.
So it turns out that bloging is something that requires more of me than I've had in recent weeks. Never mind.
So I've had a few weeks off from work, ostensibly to find work, although that doesn't seem to have really happened yet. I go back to CPP on monday and there aren't enough words in any tongue of man to describe the feeling I get from thinking about going back. They say the threshold for a job like this is about 18 months, but I've been there nearly two years. Which makes it the longest job I've ever had, a depressing enough fact on its own. However, there is a dim light at the end of the tunnel, a free newspaper that operates out of my village is looking for a sub-editor, and I know the graphic designer, so fingers crossed.
As well as this, it now appears that I am entering a relationship for the first time in, well, four years, during which time I have grown very accustomed to my own company, and now I discover that in that time I have developed a whole series of commitment and relationship issues, which i guess I need to sort out. It's hardly the most traditional start to a relationship, but I'm not gonna say any more than that. It's early days yet.
So enough of all the personal stuff, since I've been off I've been able to catch up with a lot of films, as well as get ahead of British TV on a few things. The second series of Dexter is just phenomenal, and the way it plays with conventions in such a playful, sardonic manner is something I've not seen before, which is why it baffles me that it has found a home in this country on ITV, the deepest hole of banality outside of Sky TV. For any yanks reading, think if the makers of Fox News decided to make entertainment programs. Yes, that bad. But anyway, it's an ace show, and mention must also go to the surprisingly good new Terminator show, and the seventh season of Smallville (or the four episodes I have seen at any rate) which looks like it's going to bee geek heaven with the introduction of Supergirl. The pilot of Bionic Woman was pretty much an Alias rip off, but it has potential, although it looks like the writers strike has effectively ended its run and it wont be picked up again, so it's hard to see the point in getting too invested in it. And the only decent show this country has produced in years, Skins, is having a fantastic second season.
As for films, No Country For Old Men is every bit a beautiful, desolate and well, Coenesque as its Oscar Haul suggests, Juno is a brilliantly fragile little film with a great ensemble cast (Ellen Page is excellent, but for me film belongs to Michael Cera and Alison Janney) and Cloverfield was just great fun. I could go on, but you know, I have stuff to do.
And now for a plea. I bought a second hand PC from a guy from work, and It's very nice, but I can't get any sounds out of the audio sockets. I have tried reinstalling the drivers and searching for updates, but no joy. The guy who sold it said there were no prblems with it before, so I am guessing that maybe a lead got disconnected or something, but I have no idea what I am looking for. Any pointers?
So I will be back, I am not going to promise when, but I promise I will be...
Terraformer
Scifi.com is posting that Bryan Singer has been offered a fourth X-Men film (surely the shortest franchise death ever?) but has turned it down to focus on the next Superman. Fair enough, seeing as his Superman is clearly a tremendously personal project and Marvel really dicked around with his legacy on the third one, but I would have thought he would take it as his next post-Supes project so that he can try and re-build his empire. He is, apparently, interested in doing a Wolverine spin-off though. Now I know that's not going to be as big as an X film, but still, it's hardly a small indie is it? If you're going to do one, you might as well do the other.
Net access update: Orange is the most evil company on earth. We still have no access, and I'm having to get Jonic to post for me again. Grr. I hope it is all sorted by Monday as I'm off work all week, and I had planned to find a new job. Although it's more likely I'll spend it looking at shiny internet joy. SO if you don't hear from me in the next week, someone start picketing the Orange headquarters on my behalf.
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