Blog On The Motorway

As I mentioned before, I am really suffering with writers block at the moment. I have managed to write one thing though, a bit of a missive to Virgin Media for the terminally awful piece of shit they call ‘service.’ I thought I might post it here, just on the off-chance that I can later try and persude them that you dear readers are numbered in the tens of thousands, and that I am what they call in marketing terms ‘an arbiter of taste.’ This also means I don’t have to try and go through it all again, as typing anything seems to fill me with a certain amount of unspecified dread, roughly akin to when you have a hangover and have that guilty feeling that you just can’t shake all day. But anyway, what follows is my letter to Virgin. It’s not one of the comedy letters you see so often and that can be rather wonderful, mainly because they are easily dismissable, and I want a resolution.

“I am writing to complain about being mis-sold a package on Virgin by one of your sales staff. I initially was looking at a range of options for my new home, amongst which was Virgin. Having entered a few details onto your website I got a follow up call from one of your agents, and discussed the matter further. I had looked at getting the bundle which included Broadband L (which included the wireless router), TV M+, and phone M, as well as the V+ box with associated costs. I ran through the details with him over the phone, and he said that if I could call him back he would be able to get a better deal for me. I looked into it further and decided to call him back.

At this stage he offered me various discounts, including dropping the one off charge for the V+ box. We discussed this in specifics as I explained to him that I was not all that bothered about the HD aspect, as I don’t have a HD TV, but I really wanted the V+ aspect. He informed me that the HD box was the V+ box, and so I agreed.

We moved into the house and managed to get everything set up, although was a bit annoyed to find that my router had been downgraded to a non-wireless kind, this was never mentioned. But when I came to try the V+ box I was very upset to find that it actually was just an HD box, without the V+. I immediately phoned your customer services centre and spoke to someone called *******, who was extremely rude, told me there was nothing he could do and that he also couldn’t get me a manager to speak to, but that he would get one to call me back within an hour.

That call never came, so I phoned back, and this time spoke to someone whose name I didn’t catch, but they told me that there was no problem, and that you could send me out the V+ box, but not until my account had finished setting up on the system, and that I should phone back the next day.

I called back the next day, and was told that it still wasn’t set up, but that I would get a call the next day to confirm sending out my V+box.

Two days later I still had not received a call back, so again I called your centre, only to be told I could not get the V+ box that was promised to me, as I had not paid for it. Eventually I was told that I could purchase one for £100, or by upgrading to the XL TV package.

In summary, I am very disappointed by this service. The box that I do have is completely useless to me (it also has a nice habit of crashing just as I am in the middle of watching something, if only I had V+!) and the V+ box was one of the main reasons I took your service, and was explicitly promised to me as being within the package I was signing up for. I would like you to look back over my account and listen to the various calls to me and from me on ******** , and once you have confirmed this, I would like to be sent both the V+ box, and a wireless router.

If this is not resolved, I will be cancelling my contract immediately and going to one of your competitors.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Paul”

Interestingly, I was promised over the phone that if I sent a letter of complaint I would get a definite response within 48 hours. It turns out that what I would get is an immediate automated response which say’s, and I quote:

“Hi Paul,

Thanks for the email you sent to us on *********. We’re on the case and a member of our team will get back to you as quickly as possible, usually within 5 days. Don’t forget – if there’s anything else you’d like to know, just log on to our website. It’s at www.virginmedia.com”

How utterly helpful. What’s the betting that I don’t get a response within 5 days?*

So there you go. The world’s most blatant attempt to circumvent writers block. Hopefully it will have worked, and I can write something somebody may actually want to read.

*I actually wrote this two days ago now, so by reckoning, Virgin will get back in contact with in exactly ‘when hell freezes over’ days time.